Tuesday 8 April 2008 12:26:23 AM
April 7, 2008Dear Z
I forgive you.
I think.
And S. And your mother. They were bystanders to our out of control misery.
I love you. We had good times together. I loved how we fit. I loved how we could talk for hours. I loved how nice you were, and I’m sorry I was so miserable I couldn’t appreciate it (it was just concentrating on all the wrong things!). I know you tried, and you tried very hard, and I’m sorry now that my only reaction was to get even more annoyed at you because you completely missed the bigger issues and concentrated on the unimportant things. I – women in general – don’t need solutions and advice and flowers – we need someone to listen. Thats all. Thats all that was missing. You will make some smarter girl who doesn’t work and who will have the energy to deal with men very very happy one day, and I’m really really sorry that girl isn’t me. I’m sorry we couldn’t get past being on mars and venus. If only we had gotten help sooner we would have been saved. I should have known better.
I’m sorry this has all ended. I am sorry you aren’t talking to me. And I’m sorry I hurt you.
I will always have had all my firsts with you. I will always think specially of you. It breaks my heart that this had ended in a way you and I could never have imagined. It breaks my heart because you are more special to me than you think. And I know we would work on it so much differently if we were together again. I would work on it so much more differently. I realize now that at the end of the day, it is the bigger picture that mattered, and the bigger picture was fine.
I love you, and a part of me probably always will. Maybe one day, one day, a long time from now we will be whole again. I will be whole again.
That I will be able to think about this and about you without crying. That I can talk to my therapist without finishing her tissue box. That I can fulfill myself and not rely on someone else to complete me.
Thank you for teaching me so much.
Goodbye.
I’ve been following your blog since September 2006. I’m glad that you’ve finally left him. You made the right decision. The pain seems unbearable right now, but there will be others. You’ll experience all your “firsts” again, and they’ll feel right this time and won’t involve physical abuse or psychic battering.
By the way, John Grey really is an idiot. Certainly not someone from whom you should be taking advice. There is no Mars and no Venus. There’s just us on earth and we’re really not that different.
Kira.
We may be all on Earth – but the gender divide exists.
And I think all pop psychology is for idiots who are not capable of complex thought.
Certainly a gender divide exists, but to make allowances for a man’s execrable behavior simply because he is a man is to relieve him of any responsibility.
And I certainly agree about the pop psychology.
Okay, I don’t understand this.
On one hand you say that we’re really not that different, on the other you seem to be protesting that a man’s “execrable behavior” must not be excused simply because he’s a man.
Look at the above argument carefully. It implies that this inequality exists. Which is what I want to say as well (which, oddly, you agree to, too). The gender divide exists, the differences of culture and how different cultures perceive genders exists throughout. We can huff and puff and blow the supposed barrier down, but it won’t. There will always be Mars and Venus and never the twain shall meet.
Except maybe. In holy matrimony – which is also just another celebration of differences.