Monday evening

To whom it may concern

Yes today was a bad day. a day that should have been busy but spiralled to oblivion. to darkness and tears and lost wandering. of contemplating a lovely warm bath pooled with lovey red droplets from slit wrists. of fear. fear and receeding to a place a boy recently went to.

we are all made of promises. broken verses, stilted requests, longings unyearned and desperately still wanted.

where do i go? what do i do? how can i go back to them when their time of taking care of me is over.

i miss them. badly. being emotionally dependant on my mother because i am unworthy of being dependant on myself. what good is that? being alone will just lead to nothingness.

i miss…. being there. being a part of two. having someone to lean into in the middle of the night despite their groaned protests. having someone lazier than i am do my stuff for me. being driven around. not having social anxiety. not having a single stigma.

why does everything always end in tears?